The Urge to Secede

In my personal life, I have been on a journey to becoming my truest self. It started off very hopeful—filled with optimism and endless possibilities for success. I’ve been reading Be by A.C. Ping, working through the journal prompts inside, seemingly getting to the bottom of my unhappiness and my reservations about just GOING FOR IT!

Ping talks about roadblocks around page 94. He explains that things will not always go our way, but, “we need to work out what part of your babble is the story and what parts are the facts.” In short, opinions—whether from others or yourself—about what was done right or wrong are just “babble.” What’s done is done.

The facts come down to logic: What actually happened? And from there, how do you proceed? Devise a plan.

I’ve been trying to sell my cards for two months now. I decided most of my clients were in person, so I needed to do more vendor markets. So, I made it happen! I paid a lot of money for a table at a Queer market in Kingston, NY.

I made hyper-specific products for the queer community. I amped up my presentation with a card and clothing rack. I crafted handmade upcycled Juj Junction signs. The excitement was real. I was going to sell all the cards and pins I had!

Wrong.

I sold four cards. The rest of what I sold were hand-me-down clothes I brought as a fallback option to make some money. A voice enters my head, "Secede now. Stop making cards, stop posting about it. Everything is pointless." I barely broke even on the table. But jeez—the Airbnb I stayed at, the racks I bought, the extra product I made, my sister that I dragged out there with me? I felt like a big loser. This wasn’t what I had hoped for.

The babble tells me I should have never purchased those extra racks, extra cards, or designed that extra pin that no one even looked at.

The facts are that the event itself wasn’t very good. I wasn’t promoted on the event’s Instagram feed like most of the other vendors. The venue was too overcrowded for customers to comfortably browse. The parking situation wasn’t great for visitors. The playlist blasting throughout the event was jarring and didn’t make sense. There simply weren’t enough people at the market. In fact, considering the crowd that actually showed up, I did pretty well!

I made friends with four other vendors there, which was invaluable to me! They took me under their wing, showed me better markets to sign up for—and I did!

Although I was bummed, I was not discouraged. I have a strong will to continue. And with the support of my newfound friends, I know my future in the custom card biz is brighter than it was before that money-flop of a market.

Sad, cliché, and true—but sometimes the money is worth the lesson and the connections.

I learned a lot about myself this past week. I’m going to persist.

Juj Junction at the Queer Market in Kingston, NY 2/08/2025